I don’t like feeling sad. I like being my happy awesome self, which came back with the help of happi pills, a fantastically great doctor and my mommy. So when I do get sad now, it’s like oh. This feeling again. I thought I was done with this.
Granted, I’m not depressed at the moment, just sad and feeling sorry for myself. That is an improvement over the past.
There is a boy I like. He liked me for far longer (I knew he did) before I realized, oh hey, yeah I like you too. We have had troubles meeting up since I moved back to the city. He was working a lot. He had barely texted me over the summer too, so I was used to it by September. Did I like it? Of course not, are you insane? We finally got to see each other for about 2 hours 2 Fridays ago. I went over to hang out after my classes and before he had to leave for home for the weekend jobs. I learned also that he only worked on the weekend now. What I forgot to tell him was that I had last week off for our fall reading week. So I sent him a text about it Monday. And some other texts to see what was up. Except now, a week and a half later, he hasn’t said a word to me.
That makes me really sad, because here I am, finally liking a guy after a million years of being “rawr, I want no one, I am tired of the creepasaurus rexes!”. And when I saw him again after more then a year since the last time? Realized I liked him more then I thought I did. Just great. Why why why won’t he text me back? Send me a email? A facebook msg? Is he dead? Why has no one heard about it and told my roommate, a mutual friend of ours, at whose party I met said guy?
Or maybe… that’s not it. I just don’t know what it is. But I would like to know something – and that’s the truth. Whatever was the cause for this non-communication, I’d like to know it. I don’t want lies, or sugar coating, or just beating around the bushes. I don’t want to pressure him for an answer (I haven’t asked for one yet). I just want the plain old truth. I can only hope that’s what I’ll get.
I am pretty sure tomorrow I will be pulling out my copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You”, that I stole from my mom. It always tells me what’s what.
Oh, another thing: My roommate held her annual Halloween party on Saturday, and SEVERAL of her friends said that I looked at them in a scary, creepy way, as if I was going to kill them. WTF! That kinda hurts, actually, when normally I would brush it off. I wasn’t drinking either, I was/am on two meds that say “don’t take with alcohol” so I decided to listen. So I guess I was just more weird then I normally am, and one thought I was talking to her in an accusing way.
A weird thing also: One of the girls there who I made friends with recently, her ex whom she had had a restraining order on was also there, and she was fine with it. Apparently HE thought **I** was her, until he finally realized I wasn’t, but that must have been how everything went okay. She’s married now anyway. We look nothing alike, and she wasn’t wearing her mask much either cause of her glasses. Apparently they dated years ago, but that’s still weird.
So… I feel sorry for myself because people thought I was creepy and scary and not just cause of my zombie make up, and the boy I like won’t talk to me after we hung out. Which is SUSPICIOUSLY just like when I met a guy online, we talked, we met, and then he never spoke to me again. After him, I declared my boy break.
Guess I shouldn’t have ended that for this guy, huh?
Tags: Angry Bunny, Anxiety, Good on the inside, I love my mommy, Sad, Stress, Whisky Tango Foxtrot
